May 6, 2009
I brought back Who’s Worse? contests earlier this year (where the worst bands are pitted against each other to find out who’s the most awful) and with a little help from the twitterverse (thanks guys!) we have a new match-up today. This edition features two of the worst bands of the early 00’s, both of which revel in water-down lite-rock ballads and have dumb names with numbers in them (almost always a sign of a bad band). Votes go in the comments and I’ll post the results in a week or two.
If you look up the terms boring, uninventive mainstream rock in a dictionary then I imagine you’ll see a picture of Rob Thomas and the rest of Matchbox 20 staring up at you looking douchey as ever. This is music that was created for middle-aged parents who hate rock music but want to appear cool in front of their kids (sorry, it’s not working moms). The songwriting and lyrics are atrocious and they are constantly one-upping themselves on how bland and lifeless they can make their music. But hey, at least they inspired one of the funniest Onion articles ever.
3 Doors Down came on the scene slightly after Matchbox 20 and produced song after song of vomit-worthy ballads like “Here Without You”, “Be Like That”, and “When I’m Gone” (whose song title is eerily close to M20’s “If You’re Gone”). Their music is what I imagine lumpy, wet gravy sounds like and their attempts to grunge up their songs with middling guitar riffs is pathetic. After cornering the formulaic, corporate rock market now it seems the band has begun writing songs for the U.S. Army. I’ve had the misfortune of having to sit through the insipid “Citizen Soldier” (it plays in theaters before movies start) which sounds like a song created for the sole purpose of being added to the Torture Playlist.
As always, cast your votes in the comments section and be prepared to argue your claim.